Golf!

Shot 77 at Poppy Ridge today and picked up a skin on a par 5. Hit a 225 yard 3 wood to the back of the green and 2-putted.

Man, I miss the sport so much. So blessed to be able to play in a fun yet competitive atmosphere.

#winning.

Letting Go

Lasers is one of the best albums to come around in awhile. I'm a big Lupe fan and kinda grew up with him in the sense that I gravitated towards his music around the same time I shifted my own views on life. Arvin introduced me to The Cool in 2008 and DC listened to that all day everyday.

Anyways, the point of the post is that the first time I listened to this song was during a really emotional time in my life. Just with how things have been since, I'm predicting that it'd be fair to say that it was the low point in my recovery. I'm not going to lie, the verses didn't really hit right away, but the hook captured me. In that low moment of despair, it just hit.

"Things are getting out of control, feels like im runnnin out of soul... You are getting heavy to hold, think i'll be letting you go"

I remember just being amazed to hear those words at that exact time. Since then, I've really taken the album to be the start of a new point in my life and it all started with this song on about 12am March 8th (I pre-ordered the album and wanted to wait for the CD, once it was downloadable though, I ended up opening the zip file that night).

Here's a couple more notable lines for me:

Shows a man that the wealth tortured,
Self absorbed with his own self,
Forfeit a shelf full of awards,
Worshipping the war ships that set sail on my sea of life,
The way I see my own self and wonder if we still see a light

There came a point where I lost myself with work. Right before I left, I had so much inner turmoil because I had become the very person I criticized so much. The person who had no life outside of work. Who stressed out about it, didn't have time to recharge on the weekends. Who wasn't seeing their friends. Who was about to spend Christmas alone. The hardest part was that I was good at what I did, and to a certain extent liked it. Professionally I feel extremely confident after working. Personally, I feel I still need to discover what my capabilities are on how much I can handle while maintaining a balance in my life.

Exhausted, trying to fall asleep
Lost inside my recent fights,
Burdens on my shoulders, now,
Burning all my motives down,
Inspiration drying up,
Motivation slowing down

These lines do such a good job of illustrating the feeling of being at an emotional limit. At this point, the drama really got to me. The work drama, relationship drama, uncertainty about the future, reflecting on quitting my job... I was done. The hook hits right after with the letting go line and I just realized, I have to move on from all this. At that point, I was still involved with my old work and my previous relationship but I realized that I had to let both go and start fresh. I don't like using the word regrets but I still think about both situations and how things could've been different. Over time that will fade away but im moving in the right direction moving forward.

I Fell Off

Haha, I fell off hard.. Seeing the last couple of posts, I was on top of the world writing that. Almost a year came around and now i'm trying to get back up. The worst has past, work drama, girl drama... I'm still here though. I may not have been throughout the last couple of months but i'm optimistic. I need to get that "i'm good no matter what" swag back. I went through a lot of hopelessness and despair but I just need to remember who I am.

I guess when it comes down to it, I really am starting fresh. I got nothing right now but I can breathe. Faith is going to lead me the right way and I just need to do my part and grind. Now with time back, I'll try to keep updating the blog. The plan so far is a post a day analyzing something I spot off my googlereader.