Day 3

A step back before a great step forward...

So business is handled, bags are packed, and the time has come to go get on that plane to the UK. I guess this is a personal reflection more than anything. I just wanna tell myself where i'm at before this milestone. Whatever happens in the next 8 weeks, dopeness is guaranteed. The post is going to be personal... so a.k.a, if you don't know me too well or just don't really care, it could be boring. I want to be able to look back at this though to see what, if any, changes happen...

I'm going to start out where I am in relation to my personal goals. I guess you could say I'm on cruise control right now. Last semester was alright. As I said in an earlier post, it felt like I had a good season but couldn't get to the championship. Like the Celtics without KG. That is really consistent with how it played out. I feel like I proved to myself that the potential is there. I just gotta do a better job being disciplined and staying on point. the GPA did drop but nothing significant. So yeah, in that department of life, I'm good... not great... but I'm not trippin'. Next year though, I got no excuses. Let's just say that metaphorically, I'm 100% healthy for the season and I will pull a Lebron if I don't go all the way with straight As.

As far as P4 goes, I feel good about the team. Straight up, we may be a little undermanned but we are all-star status again. Talent wise, I have faith in everyone to be able to go above and beyond. I've been getting to know people a little better recently. Thanks again for coming out to Zachary's. I think that we all compliment each other well. We got big plans and I know we can handle it. Ill do everything I can and I know you all have my back.

For friends and family, all I can say is I am blessed. The people I'm close to... y'all are amazing. I thank God for all of you. You all know I got your backs no matter what, and that's only because I know you'd do the same. I know I may be bad at showing that I care in general, y'all aint never gonna see a scrapbook or nothing like that from me but trust that I do.

Back to my personal level on things. At the moment, I'm attempting to do the best I can to balance living life to the fullest... just enjoying the present and at the same time, making sure the future is in check. How this works: well, you wont see me going too hard on the enjoying side. I'll get as gone as anyone occasionally but probably not on the weekdays and just not too much in general. Definitely not enough to affect school. On the flip side, I will no longer sacrifice for anything more than the lifestyle I want in the future. Let me break that down. I want a six-figure salary, a nice house in a nice neighborhood, enough to pay the bills and college money for my kids (That's future talk but it is what it is. I want to settle down eventually). I won't kill myself working extra hard to get stuff above that like... A Ferrari, a Yacht, a G4, or other excessive things of that nature. I can turn on MTV, close my eyes and just imagine I'm there without the trouble. Don't mistake that as I am lazy. If I have my mind set on something. I'll get it done. That's what I do. I just ain't going to compromise my relationships for material things anymore. I didn't always think like this. I used to want it all. With a chip on my shoulder, I used to tell myself I'd die to get to that level. Nowadays, if that shit comes... of course i'll take it but I mean, I wont miss out on a good movie with friends, a family gathering, or even something as simple as NBA 2k9 or I guess 2k10. I guess I never realized how much that kind of stuff was worth back then because that's all I had. Up to before this year, my mindset has always been... damn, I gotta keep my hustle up to be a baller in the future. Recently it just clicked. That future starts now. I'm grown. I'm 21 and there is a world out there to see... Hence this European trip i'm about to go on. This is the stage of my life where things get interesting. I'll never be able to go back to this age so I will make damn sure I take advantage of all the opportunities I have today. For the future part... I guess I've been hardworking my whole life to the point that I can't really let shit slide even if i tried. That plus prayer and faith in God will be enough to make sure I'll be good.

Lastly, I want to reflect of the relationship-relationship part of my life. Currently there is none. I honestly don't know where I'm at. If I'm ready for anything right now. I'm not going to lie. I am definitely insecure about my ability handle one. I've been hurt real bad in the past and the type of person I am, if I sense at all that you can get to me, I'll build a wall and just block you out. I know that's wrong but its just how I am. I wish I could change it. That being said... I hope whoever it is, I trust them enough to change the way I handle things. I'm still a hopeful romantic and all that... I still believe that the one is out there... As with everything, I'll just wait to see how that plays out.

OK, feels good to get all that out. Now im off to Sussex. Ill try to blog about dope stuff! Peace out.

Look at 50 now... how times change

In 2003, 50 Cent dropped 21 Questions. Not the best rap song for the ladies but It wasn't bad. I'm sure y'all remember this...



"I love you like a fat kid love cake, you know my style, I do anything to make you smile"

Now I just came across 50's new ladies song Ill Do Anything. I usually stay in the middle but even i'm offended with the opening line, "This for the B*tch*s, N*gg*."



"You like girls, I like girls too, we got something in common. Now how the hell could that be a problem?"

And that wasnt even the worst line! the whole song is IMO hot garbage... you cant really play it in your car with ur girl... and u gotta be a dummy to play it by urself cuz even the so called "swag" is not right.

P.S. Megan Good was a waayyyyy better video chick. +1 more point to the throwback.

Co-Signing B.o.B. vs Bobby Ray

Just wanted to co-sign this mixtape. Just came out today and been lightweight listening to it. Doesn't have the same instant appeal as Drizzy Drake (Who the hell has in the last 5 years? Kanye..?) But I can already tell that the lyrics are there with this dude. He's under T.I.'s Grand Hustle label too. Don't sleep on it.

Up vs Wall-E

So about a week ago, I had dinner with the P4 partners and a great debate ensued on whether Up or Wall-E is the better movie. Up is the hot Pixar movie this summer and Wall-E got instant classic status a year ago. The debate is sort of like Kobe vs Lebron a month ago. People stick to their sides and defend it vehemently, all the while acknowledging that the other movie is dope as well.

I was stuck there in the middle because I hadn't seen either one. Not the case anymore though. In the last week I saw 2 more Pixar movies than I had the previous 3 years (I last saw Cars and it wasn't even that dope... atleast not even close to these two).

Now I can offer my 2 cents on the argument. Here i go...

Wall-E
This movie was really a lot better than I expected. I really haven't seen an animated film get to me like this since I was little... and that's because the movies back then got to my "litte-kid" emotions. Wall-E was deep though, offering (to me anyways) insights on today's society as much as a lecture from one of my Media Studies or Political Economy classes. I saw the whole movie as a metaphor about modernity, industrialization, capitalist consumerism, the lack of community in today's society, devaluation of relationships, etc... I guess it compliments what I learned about instead of offering any new insights, but since I'm fresh off a fairly theoretical semester, watching the movie through this lens was very enjoyable.

The movie showed that heart (ironically from a tiny little robot) can be a catalyst for change and that society can be inspired by the nobility and courage of individuals. It was very powerful stuff (albeit idealistic) for me and it was very surprising that I would find it in an animated film intended for kids. It was at this point I had realized that I was really sleeping on Pixar lately.

Up
This movie was extremely enjoyable. I could download the scene that shows Carl and Ellie's life and probably shed a tear every time I watch it (a man-tear). The characters are very well developed. I guess I can't really discuss this without ruining the comparison to Wall-E so I'll just move on.

To me the better movie is Up. What can I say? Pixar blew me away with Up, even more than Wall-E. If Wall-E is a masterful commentary on the macro-level of humanity, Up looks at the micro-level... at an individual's life and puts the viewers through a roller coaster of all the emotions involved in it. Up was just as deep as Wall-E to me but the difference is that I could relate to it better. I could really feel the emotion more... that's an abstract way of saying it but to anyone who watched both, i'm sure you know what i'm talking about. Now going back to Wall-E... i'm not saying that the robo-love wasn't touching, nor am I saying that the plot wasn't inspiring. In fact the movie was very touching, inspiring and definitely entertaining. But its just that with Wall-E, it seemed like I was watching the events from the third person (which is also the case with 95% of other movies). What makes Up extraordinary to me is that it hits so much closer to home. Not only could I see the emotions that the characters were digitally evoking, It was as if I was going through them as the movie went a long as well. In terms of cinema, this is an extremely impressive feat. I rarely come across movies that get to me like this. It almost get's to me like a Final Fantasy video game... condensed into 1.5 hours.

Catching up on the blogg-site...

I can't really say ive been busy but I have been keeping it moving lately... its cool though, right now things are slow and i can blog a little bit. Ima get a couple of posts up tonight, updates on things happening on me and on the summer. So hey there blog world, I missed ya.

Summer Jams

I just updated my iPods, here's my top 10 to cruise around with the windows down this summer so far.

10. D.O.A. (Death of Autotune)- Jay-Z
9. It's My Time- Fabolous
8. Best I Ever Had- Drake
7. Kobe Bryant- Lil' Wayne
6. Shining Down- Lupe Fiasco (Ft. Matthew Santos)
5. I Poke Her Face- Kid Cudi, Kanye, Common
4. I'm Going In- Lil' Wayne, Drake, Young Jeezy
3. Every Girl- Young Money
2. At It All Night- T.I.
1. Successful- Drake (Ft. Trey Songz and Lil' Wayne)

LOST

Man, I missed this season (5) cuz of the busyness of the semester but now i'm back to it and LOST is the dopest show on TV right now!! Well... aside from Entourage. Its 4:24am right now and I just finished the first 2 episodes. I'm really contemplating to watch another episode before I knock out.

Isang Araw

Isang araw, babalik din ako
Isang araw makikita ko ulit kayo
Sana magkatotoo ito
Talagang mis na miss ko na yung kinalakihan ko

Isang araw, pagdating ko
Sana maintindihan nyo
Pasensya na. ngayon lang ako nakabalik dito
Kung kaya ko lang sana, hindi naging ganito

Isang araw pagbalik ko dyan
Akong bahala, ako naman ang balikbayan
Asahan nyo sagot ko yung inuman
Basta sagot nyo ang kwentuhan at tawanan

Ok naman itong buhay sa tate
Nakakapagod, parang palaging nagmamadale
Di katulad s'atin patambay tambay lang sa tabe-tabe
Pero sanay na ako kaya hindi na bale

Ok lang naman
Pana-panahon lang yan
Basta sa dyos ako umaasa
Isang araw, lahat ng gusto ko makakasama

Back to Back NBA Posts- "Kobe Bryant" by Lil' Wayne

This is just too dope. Kanye took the playoffs with "Amazing" but Weezy kills it with this Laker anthem for the finals.

My Thoughts on Lebron James's post game actions

So i've been seeing at lot of hate directed to Lebron because of actions following the season ending loss at game 6 of the Eastern Conference Finals. After the game, Lebron snubbed reporters and the Orlando Magic, heading straight for the locker room and the team bus. Before going further with this, let me say that I am not writing this because I am a Lebron fan or a Cavs fan or because I am mad that the Cavs are done from the playoffs (even though all that is true). If Kobe, or anyone else for that matter, did what Lebron did and got hate for it, i'd write this in their defense too.

The main thing that the media and sportswriters accuse Lebron of is poor sportsmanship. OK, in that moment where he walked straight to the locker room, he did show poor sportsmanship. I'm not going to argue that. It would've had been cool if he went and congratulated the Magic and then bounced. BUT, does that mean that we now put Lebron with the T.O.s of the sports world as "immature brats?". I personally don't think so.

For me, being a poor sportsman basically comes down to whether you respect the game. Lebron proved that he did throughout the playoffs. That man did literally everything in his power to get the job done and fell short. You saw his heart in game 5 and for that, He should already have the respect of everyone that watched that game.

Now, dude seems like he's a genuine guy. He definitely doesn't walk out on games on a regular basis. Take into account where he was at and try to put yourselves in his shoes. At the moment when game 6 ended, that dude just failed at something he probably worked all year for... A goal that he probably dreamed about since childhood eluded him once again. He'll have to go through another summer and another season just to get back to the position he was at. MVP, 66 wins, He felt this year was his time and doubts creep up on whether that kind of a season will happen again. With the talent he possesses and the role he had on that team, you know he puts that loss on his shoulders. Whoever is reading this, you will most likely never be in this position exactly, but undoubtedly life has thrown something to you similar to this. Ask yourself... would shaking the hands of the other team, something that is really a formality, be the first thing on your mind? And if you did forget to do that because of anger or frustration, would you really give a shit?

I know I wouldn't. Lebron himself said that he walked out because he is competitive. People don't think that's a good enough excuse... but really, what would you do? The dude already lives his life under a microscope 24/7 because of the fortune and fame. At least respect him when he shows an outburst true emotion. If you were a fan of anything he did this season... or even a hater because of how dope he really was, he desereves to atleast act out his frustration in return.

Playlist Reflection Part 1

So I just thought of this on the drive back home from Berkeley tonight. I've been meaning to reflect lately. Finals are over and I have time to sit down and put things in perspective before summer hits full speed.

The concept behind this comes from Jay-Z's American Gangster. That album was structured as a linear progression of the life of a drug boss. Imma make a playlist that's a linear progression of my college life.

So here's how its gonna go... Imma write a playlist. Each song was a song that was hot sometime during my college career... At the time that song was hot, it coincidentally really resonated with something I was going through, which ill describe or allude to. The playlist will be in chronological order. So now to take it back to Fall 2006...

1. I Luv It (Young Jeezy)- This song came up big fall of freshman year. I picked this because it was a motivational song that describes my mindset. I was just adjusting to things and was really on point back then. I wish I can be that focused on school now.

"Check ya watch ***** its my time / mind made up, I was on my grind"

2. Make Me Better (Fabolous)- Spring/Summer 2007 was definitely the most dramatic time of my college career and probably my life. These next 3 songs on the playlist are about that time frame. Make Me Better was a song that came out round the same time I was sprung for the first time in college. The concept behind this song is crazy though. At the time, I was like damn... yeah this is how I would want a girl to hold me down.

"The right when I'm wrong, so i never slip / Show me how to move, that's why i never trip"

3. Because of You (Ne-Yo)- Continuing along with the last one. This was me being sprung to the highest degree... I remember talking to her the night before and having that moment when you find out you like each other. The was really my first time experiencing that ever. Next morning, I woke up with a wide ass smile on my face, blasted this song and sang and danced along with it alone in my dorm room. Till then I didn't know humans could be that happy haha.

"I'm so strung out on you... I can barely move, but I like it. And its all because of you... Never get enough... She's the sweetest drug"

4. Go On Girl (Ne-Yo)- This is probably the one song that hit me most in this playlist. That shit was on repeat for like a month. If you heard and vibe'd with this song before, you can guess what I went through. Add that to the fact that around that time, It was finals week and I almost lost my dad to a heart attack. She was literally the only thing keeping me sane, the only thing I was leaning on. Never have and never will I be hurt like that again. Believe that. That shit changed me and I became grown after that summer. It really took me awhile to get over that shit but its cool now. Its just something in the past that makes me who I am now. I thank God for that experience.

No Quote for this one. I'd just copy/paste the whole song.

5. Roc Boys (Jay-Z)- Fall 2007. This was around the time I started kickin it with Marco and Arvin and if you seen the video to this song... Its just nice and classy. I feel like that's how we rolled. Kinda like Jay, Nas and Diddy from the video.

"We the dope boys of the year, drinks is on the house"

More shit to come... this takes longer than expected, its fun for me because im listening and reliving the years. the whole thing probably gonna be 15ish songs deep.

Just Throw It In The Bag!

Throw It In The Bag feat. The-Dream - Fabolous

Summer song! let this final be over so I can chill.... Haaaa, i duno bout a girl who just throw it in the bag freal though.. sound more like a G-digger.

untitled

The end of a dynasty
The memories are history
But the shit we been through will always be
D.O.P.E.
Blow the weed, get in the car and just cruise
Life's a journey, but we roll it hella smooth
Not sayin' that we din't have tribulations
But we always had our backs no matter the situations
And we only started our lives together
even when we all out this bitch we'll be homies forever
Im talking godfathers to my sons
Best man to my wedding
But put that on pause cuz by 35 we probably still be ballin
That was a joke but our friendships is the truth
shit will never be erased
And most definitely won't ever be replaced

Bye Bye Remix- Jay-Z Verse

dug out some stuff from iTunes... This is to the dope era.

Every time the guns goes blast
Another day goes past
I don't miss my dogs
I'm wishing the days could go fast
So I could crash
Close my eyes
Try to go to sleep and bring you back
But I can't bring you back
(Nah can't bring you back)
So I back
Back memories of us
Acting bad
Wish time could freeze
But our time is up
And I promise ya
Imma hold it down
Till it's my time
To leave and I'm ok
I mean
I'm alright, not ok
And it hurts my soul
I won't see your face
But if u truely
Are in a better place
Like what they say
And that's ok
I'll be allright
I've been up all night
Like if I didn't
With my nigga to be living
With the time
Tick-tick-ticking away
So forever I'm forever
I'm in search of yesterday
(Yesterday)
Like a Beattle song
I close my eyes
Repeat the song
Tryna bring us back
To where we belong
Middle of the club When B was on
Adidas on
blowing on stank like Cheech and Chong
Going back and forth between ?? and Dom
So when I meet the don
U Should know
I meet way back
With my dog when I go
So when times says goodbye
Y'all say hello

Give up?

damn, motivation is so difficult right now. i feel like i had a good season but there's no way i can win the championship. I feel like the Celtics without KG... Im on my way to good grades but i cant get to greatness.

It may be too late to turn it around. I guess I should just go out hard though, go on vaca, rebuild and dominate in the fall.

PILIPINO!! PILIPINO ANG LAHI KO!!

Media studies 101 says that there is no such thing as low culture...

this may beg to differ. i dare you tagalog speakers to watch it and not laugh! no diss to Manny but "may pagka-baduy ng kaunti."

I personally am a sucker for cheesy filipino things + im so hyped for the fight that i think this video is DOPE.

I can't help but bust out laughing at the shot with Freddie Roach in the background going along with the chorus!

Quick couple of lines...

please excuse the swagger, i need this to motivate myself right now.


It's 5 am, still on my grind
im calm as can be, no worries on my mind
shit needs to get done
i ain't worried bout that
when shit needs to get done
i take care of that
my heart wont let me fail
like a veteran in the playoffs, I prevail
i go so hard...
the bottom of my eyes are GOYARD
i aint just got eye-bags, i carry luggage
bout to check that shit into flight school
if i was an athlete the league would need to modify the rules
un-guardable
sit your ass down i make your efforts look minor
but now im just talking shit
before i get too into it
imma leave and keeping doing the shit that makes me IT.

Why I Can't Write

So i just figured this out while talking to my roomate... anyways, this is probably BS but it really makes sense to me.

Here's the situation, i have a paper due at 3pm tomorrow. i'm at 3.5/8 pages. i have the worst case of writers block. ive been having it all day. BUT... im not stressed at all. (ok maybe a little) i'm still 100% confident imma get the paper done.

Why? Why do i think everything isn't on code red just yet?? because there is a relationship between the time until a deadline and the speed of writing. since i technically have over 12 hours, im still well within the 1 page per hour time-frame.

basically, im waiting for the inevitable boost of motivation to write... it will come eventually, ill just realize that i'm in deep shit and the words will flow.

I am worried though... I had a paper due yesterday and had to make miracles happen for that one too. ive been recovering a lot... i slept 8 hours last night, napped for 2 hours today... but it might be the case that i have used up all my writing mojo. WHAT IF that writing boost doesn't happen??? WHAT IF the words don't flow???

To be honest, I don't know. working when you arent motivated is the worst thing in the world because only you know how hard you are really trying. externally, you look lazy.

Welcome to Heartbreak...

My PEIS 101 prof said in class... Europeans work to live, Americans live to work. For real though, I can see how this plays out because the track that I'm on is forcing me to operate in that manner. Its like, this is how the game is set up. I if I ain't up on this (car, clothes, salary) level... I ain't shit. So everyone read the rest of this blog listening to the Kanye West song "Welcome to Heartbreak." This song is my favorite from 808s from a lyrical standpoint. I think people overlook this one but lines like these are on the level of All Falls Down from College Dropout:

"My friend showed me pictures of his kids, and all I could show him was pictures of my cribs."

"He said his daughter had a brand new report card, and all i got was a brand new sports car."

"Chased the good life my whole life long, look back on my life now my life gone... Where did I go wrong?"

I mean, to be honest... you have to work to get money and live a good life, that's a given. On that note, I strive to be successful and everyone has a different definition of that. Mine is a house, a good family and good health... Play golf on the weekends, be close to my parents, be able to pay for food on the table and a good education for my kids. Economically speaking that is over 6 figures. If i'm blessed to have extra money to floss a little bit that's fine, ill buy a fast car to drive on the weekends and things of that nature. But my level of happiness isnt gonna be based on my resume and my bank account. More money more problems and I would much rather be able to sleep well at night.

Money and success is addicting though. The fast life is a trap. I hope I have the strength to stay true to myself whatever happens.

And lastly, when i cant laugh and have fun about the life i'm living thats when i know im too stressed and gotta switch it up.

Go Hard

so things are officially going. today was day 1 of probably the most stressful week this semester aside from finals. here's today for me.

Woke up at 9:30ish. studied from 10-11:30. got ready for the day. P4 tabling / Campaigning for Lean 12-2. SLC studyin 2-3. section 3-4. Main Stacks Studying 4-5. Section 5-6. Grab food/SLC studyin 6-8:30. PCN practice 8:30-9:30. Studying at Eshelman Library 9:30-10:30 Quick workout at the RSF 10:30-11:30. Go home. Heat up Coffee, Start cookin food... Study from 12am-12:40 ish... and then round 12:40 i started this blog.

For the rest of the night imma eat some fresh pork adobo, study till 3-4ish, shower, sleep and hopefully wake up, go to class at 11 and take my midterm at 12:30.

I ain't braggin or complaining... I know half the people who read this probly have better work ethic than myself. If anything i'm just writing to myself that keepin up this hard work is what makes me me. People see who i am but its really all this work that allows me to be successful or dope or whatever. there's no secrets. so to everyone reading this... Especially to myself in the future or during the rest of this week, Get on your grind and go get it!

Balance

There's just too much stuff going on right now. To be honest, I should be stressed out trippin about a midterm and a paper due next week while PCN practice will be going on everyday. But I refuse to stress. I just spent a majority of the night playing NBA 2k9. That time probably shouldve been spent studying but it's all good.

I love my life right now because despite the time constraints, my main problem is basically picking between which dope activity to focus my time on. My classes are all chill and interesting so doing school work has never been a painful experience this semester. P4 is cool and something I gladly dedicate my time to. Boxing is always there, I can go and train to keep in shape. Time spent with friends is never a waste. No amount of money will ever turn me 21 and put me back in berkeley. Going home to see family is always a good thing. Being an only son, I am close to my mom and dad and love them to death.

The only other activities I do are sleep and eat... And everyone knows that those are damn good. So despite the high speed I'm travelling, moving a mile a second... I'll push that gas All day cuz if my life right now was a car, Itd be a Ferrari-maybach-lamborghini spaceship.

The Ruler's Back!

3rd try is a charm, this was Tiger's 3rd tournament of the year since a long layoff because of injury. Winning golf tournaments ain't easy folks. I used to hate TW because I had aspirations in golf and he was killin' everyone. Now that I switched focus on life, I can just sit back and respect him for what he accomplishes and how he does it.

In any arena (sports, business, life) Tiger is an example of excellence and how to get shit done. Few people can claim that in history. Last person I can think of was MJ.

iPod Update

10 songs i cant stop bumpin'

1. Best I Ever Had- Drake
2. Flight School- GLC ft. T-Pain, Kanye West
3. All The Above- Maino ft. T-Pain
4. Knock You Down- Keri Hilson ft. Kanye West and Ne-Yo
5. Rockin That Shit- The-Dream
6. Walkin' On The Moon- The-Dream
7. Good Lovin'- Slim ft. Fabolous and Ryan Leslie
   
8. Bitch I'm Back- Slim Thug
9. Ignant Shit- Drake ft. Lil' Wayne
10. You're Fly- Ryan Leslie
    

Reflecting on home...

So for the first time, i'm actually feeling that home isn't home anymore. I know, I might be a little late to start feeling like this but I live fairly close and Ive been going home often ever since freshman year. I guess it took me awhile to get my roots really set in Berkeley.

No diss to Rohnert Park though. I still love my house, my parents, and my friends to death. its just that when I do visit here, its more of an escape from what I have going on. I guess i cant help it. Most of the stuff I am passionate about isn't here anymore. School, boxing, P4, friends... I guess it has finally got to the point where all that stuff = what my life is at the moment.

Will that change? Yes, and very soon... I'm graduating in a year-year and a half and will most likely leave B-Town. I guess wherever my next home will be will hopefully be as dope as what I have now.

Looks are decieving!!

Picture: Kim Kardashian Covershot for Complex Magazine (R= Photoshopped)

break is too short

Damn.. break is almost over. so i was kickin it at a friend's house with some high school buddies. we were just chillin, i was mostly on my laptop organizing my itunes. if anything though, i feel sorta bad cuz it seemed like some of my friends were tryna do somethin tonight like play pool or go bowling (yeah, we dont have too many options). I was down for whatevers but i was perfectly content with just sittin there and chillin.

I guess what i'm tryna say is that i'm constantly doing something when im in school that during this break, I ACTUALLY VALUE time when i'm being unproductive and sittin around. i dont know if anyone else was feelin that though... basically my bad for seeming like i was being a downer.

Kanye West Interview on Complex Magazine

Here's a snippet on Kanye West being a brand:

"Pop but Luxury. Edgy but Comfortable. I’m about clashing worlds that you think don’t belong together. This is our world and everything belongs together. That’s the ill thing about our president. Our president is black, but our president is white, too. And the original struggle of America is racism, and to have someone in office that represents both of those sides is what I think this world is about. Segregation and snobbery and elitism should be the wack words. That should be what people use to dis people."

Check the rest out here

still cant sleep

i think imma pass out soon though cuz i'm tired... 2 things

1. i saw a big The Hundreds logo (that bomb looking thing) on the back window of a beat up Honda civic HERE in Rohnert Park... bad sign for the label. shit that trickles down this area usually aint super-fresh in my opinion.
2. Everybody go see I Love You, Man. watched it today and it was hella funny. even the ladies would enjoy it i think.
   

can't sleep

damn, spring break sucks so far... my car stereo is busted and its gna take a month to replace. the more time i have idle, the more time i have to think about issues. been thinkin a lot all day. fuck this is a lame post.

ppl are doing their own things, friends from home goin their own routes.. despite that i think its amazing that i'm still real cool with old friends cuz high school was so long ago.

As for my own shit, its whatevers... i feel like my life is in a recession. greed took over and like barack's, my personal stimulus plan needs to be something that develops the future. im pretty sure im the only one getting my own metaphors at this point so basically, after all the damage, all i can do is get my hustle on and focus my negative energy into somethin positive

Anti-Stress #1

With the way things are going, I figure i'll be writing more of these rhyme-sets that are just about things I'm stressing about at the moment. I actually wrote this a couple of days ago. To put it in context, I was mad because I decided not to train and fight for the College Boxing Regional Tournament in Reno this weekend because I had an impossibly-difficult-to-study-for midterm (F*** PEIS 101) on Thursday. As hard as the decision was, I had to drop the fight and focus on school...

My life feels like a triangle with 4 sides
I wish the stress would divide
I wanna just drop everything and fight
But I just have too much weight
Literally
Cuz cutting to 125 is an impossibility
But bothering me more heavily
Is the weight that's pushing me to the point I feel my legs are buried in the ground
Sooner or later, Ill be in so deep that my ears wont even receive sound
This damn midterm, I gotta study tonight
It's not just that, cuz it is an option to wing it
But I try to be strict to my priorities
giving less than 100% ain't a choice I can make
My education is my parents' biggest dream
So to put that behind boxing is an option I can never take
This pressure got me in a box that’s closed
On top of that I lost the person I lean onto the most
Cant fit in everything that needs to be done
Ive won a lot of battles, but right now I don’t know how to overcome
God will figure out a way
So I bow my head and pray that I just fast forward to a better day
Thinking about life before the complications
Now these trials pile on so much that i'm drowning in tribulations
I cant even get any motivation
like a train stuck in the station
You know them red traffic lights?
The ones that turn on and keep blinking late at night...
Im staring down the street going crazy cuz yellow and green lights arent even in sight

The Re-Evaluation

I wrote this a couple of weeks ago... just kinda re-evaluating my life a little bit in the middle of stressin out about stuff. Think of it as a young-life-mid-life-crisis. Shout out to Vinar and Odarco for making this mentality of mine possible...

Imma check myself
Cuz when I look in the mirror, I know I need help
I'm calling out to you lord
You know I still go hard for them things I can’t afford
But in the last year or so, my priorities are shifted
I still wanna ball
but my attitude is different
Life is too short not to live it right now
My best friends all around me
this community like a family
Cash Ruled Everything Around Me
Until I finally figured out that material objects don’t define me
I still want money because I need it to play the game
But I'm done getting played so my mentality ain't the same
At the moment everything is damn good
Fuck the cars and clothes
Me and my best friends all live in the same neighborhood
We live like we in childhood
Cept we're little boys playin' with grown man toys
we got freedom to do whatever we wanna do
responsibilities ain't an issue… Yet
I aint got real bills, Thank God for financial aid
I just constantly live through thrills and gather memories to save
I know I need to do more if I really wanna get that baller-status money
A year ago, I would've chased that paper no questions asked
Right now that shit is on hold
Cuz what I got going on right now, I couldn't exchange for a-billi in gold
And truth be told, it aint easy to just do what you want to
My heart tells me to chill, My environment tells me to stress
What pisses me off the most…
is I KNOW I could be the best
Either that or damn near close
But I don’t even wanna join the race right now though
Me and my homies got our own thing going on…
our shit's on another level
If they all racing with cars
we be flying spaceships in the stars
That's how high we get
Cuz we live life the way we want to
while some haters may think we got issues
On the other hand, I do have a plan
I aint gonna be homeless… I WILL be successful
you can believe that
Its just hard because it seems that there's only 1 way for me to achieve that
Which pressures me to pick between my life and my future
Like... should I get a job?
or go study abroad with my homies this summer?
My heart and "what I should be doing..." don’t calculate the same answer
Fuck it though…
ill never compromise for the people and things I love
And Fuck it if I don’t make as much money or fail to be on the stereotypical level of success
I'll get to where I'm at my way and I will never settle for anything less

First Post!

Its spring break! but I'm really more spring-broke right now... just tired physically, mentally and emotionally. The last couple weeks I had a fight (boxing), midterms, papers, drama, maglalatik practice, and a whole bunch of other responsibilities that come with me going at the pace I'm at right now. I don't even know how it got to this but reflecting, I think part of it is that I just don't wanna back down from stuff I find challenging so I keep pushing. Occasionally, I'll find myself in the middle of something really struggling, wishing I never started it in the first place but everything always seems to work out in the end win-lose-or-draw... That being said, I've wrote stuff down in the past as a form of therapy. Now its just gonna be online for the 4-5 friends who check this blog out to see. Real talk though, its more for me just to let my emotions out and be creative. Lastly, thanks CS for giving me this idea that I am blatantly stealing. It's all good, your blog > my blog probably anyways.