Golf!

Shot 77 at Poppy Ridge today and picked up a skin on a par 5. Hit a 225 yard 3 wood to the back of the green and 2-putted.

Man, I miss the sport so much. So blessed to be able to play in a fun yet competitive atmosphere.

#winning.

Letting Go

Lasers is one of the best albums to come around in awhile. I'm a big Lupe fan and kinda grew up with him in the sense that I gravitated towards his music around the same time I shifted my own views on life. Arvin introduced me to The Cool in 2008 and DC listened to that all day everyday.

Anyways, the point of the post is that the first time I listened to this song was during a really emotional time in my life. Just with how things have been since, I'm predicting that it'd be fair to say that it was the low point in my recovery. I'm not going to lie, the verses didn't really hit right away, but the hook captured me. In that low moment of despair, it just hit.

"Things are getting out of control, feels like im runnnin out of soul... You are getting heavy to hold, think i'll be letting you go"

I remember just being amazed to hear those words at that exact time. Since then, I've really taken the album to be the start of a new point in my life and it all started with this song on about 12am March 8th (I pre-ordered the album and wanted to wait for the CD, once it was downloadable though, I ended up opening the zip file that night).

Here's a couple more notable lines for me:

Shows a man that the wealth tortured,
Self absorbed with his own self,
Forfeit a shelf full of awards,
Worshipping the war ships that set sail on my sea of life,
The way I see my own self and wonder if we still see a light

There came a point where I lost myself with work. Right before I left, I had so much inner turmoil because I had become the very person I criticized so much. The person who had no life outside of work. Who stressed out about it, didn't have time to recharge on the weekends. Who wasn't seeing their friends. Who was about to spend Christmas alone. The hardest part was that I was good at what I did, and to a certain extent liked it. Professionally I feel extremely confident after working. Personally, I feel I still need to discover what my capabilities are on how much I can handle while maintaining a balance in my life.

Exhausted, trying to fall asleep
Lost inside my recent fights,
Burdens on my shoulders, now,
Burning all my motives down,
Inspiration drying up,
Motivation slowing down

These lines do such a good job of illustrating the feeling of being at an emotional limit. At this point, the drama really got to me. The work drama, relationship drama, uncertainty about the future, reflecting on quitting my job... I was done. The hook hits right after with the letting go line and I just realized, I have to move on from all this. At that point, I was still involved with my old work and my previous relationship but I realized that I had to let both go and start fresh. I don't like using the word regrets but I still think about both situations and how things could've been different. Over time that will fade away but im moving in the right direction moving forward.

I Fell Off

Haha, I fell off hard.. Seeing the last couple of posts, I was on top of the world writing that. Almost a year came around and now i'm trying to get back up. The worst has past, work drama, girl drama... I'm still here though. I may not have been throughout the last couple of months but i'm optimistic. I need to get that "i'm good no matter what" swag back. I went through a lot of hopelessness and despair but I just need to remember who I am.

I guess when it comes down to it, I really am starting fresh. I got nothing right now but I can breathe. Faith is going to lead me the right way and I just need to do my part and grind. Now with time back, I'll try to keep updating the blog. The plan so far is a post a day analyzing something I spot off my googlereader.

Lines of my life right now

"When you so good that you can’t say it, ’cause it ain’t even cool for you to sound cocky anymore" -Eminem, No Love

I hate to say it but this is just how I feel about everything going on. I figure if you cared enough to go to my blog, you won't be offended by this. I mean, I feel so blessed that really at times just talking about where I am sounds to me like i'm boasting. I admit that I try to downplay how dope my situation is because... well, when it comes down to it, who else killin' the game like we are? I just had the time of my life, sacrificing my energy, strength or whatever just so I could do what I needed to do without compromising the experience that I felt being 20-22 deserves. I know what I went through and people will never see it but all that does right now is make me damn proud of what I have. You'll never catch me saying this outside of this space but this is what it is. All thanks to God, my parents and friends who were there before the come up.

"Scared for the first time everything has clicked
What if I dont really do the numbers they predict
Considering the fact that im the one that they just picked
To write a chapter in history this sh-t has got me sick"
-Drake

Drake is my favorite rapper right now because I can relate to the feeling of coming in new with a lot of expectations on you. Drake got it from the fans, I have pressure from my folks and everyone who got me to this point. There's no way I can fail them. This shit is heavy but I have to give it my all.

"I live for the nights that I can’t remember,
with the people I won’t forget"
-Drake

Another Drake line, this one is self explanatory. I'm grinding hard but I could care less what people think of my moves outside my circle. We're all doing our thing and doing it big. Haters can stay on their lane.

Trip Update

Damn. The trip is off the hook so far. I've done so many things and they are all dope do i'm just gna list the highlights and comment (in no particular order).

1. Golf- played my first 2 rounds of 2010 (P4 Charity Golf Tournament was a scramble so I couldn't really keep my own score) and I played pretty decently. I fired a 78 and 76 so far in the Philippines, Both at Eagle Ridge (Dye and Aoki courses). Eagle Ridge is a dope spot cuz I remember being there almost every weekend as a kid playing golf with the fam.

2. Lulugayan Falls, Calbiga Samar- Wow. Epic. Water. Falls. Jump. All that and really, a great weekend with the Quimbo side of the family. I feel great being able to reconnect with cousins and even meet distant relatives who are dope.

3. Grandma's 90th Party- This actually happened the night I touched down a week ago. Great food, got to see lots of people. That whole day was filled up and it was pretty much a culture shock seeing everything after 5 years. Somethings changed, some stayed the same, but it was just a real trip to me.

4. Attica, Saturday night 7/10/10- This was epic. I was really diggin the vibe here. Great music, good drinks, great company. I judge how epic nights are depending on how the post drinking food trip is. Walking to Shakey's in Makati Ave while hammered with the cousins and friends was reminiscent of so many classic nights... except this was in the homeland with a different set of people.

5. Mall Tour 7/9/10 (Trinoma, Ayala SM, Glorietta, Greenbelt, Rockwell)- Shopping in the P.I. is great because of 2 things. 1, I actually feel good going to the local labels and making a purchase (Bench, Penshoppe, Memo, Team Manila, etc.). The shit they sell is pretty nice and I feel like i'm pitching in to the local economy. 2, On the other hand, there are a lot of nice shops here that aren't even in the States, or atleast in Cali. I got my Topman fix and there are a bunch of other places I look forward to browsing in the next week.

Homecoming

I'm back blogworld... after a full year hiatus. Took some time to go up in life, last year in Europe... back down for Disconnected 2k9 and up ever since Reconnected 2k10. If you know me close then you already know. If not, maybe i'll trickle in some details in upcoming posts.

Anyways, today I will be flying out of SFO to Manila, Philippines (hence the childhood pic). It will be my first time back since summer 2005. Armed with a Canon Rebel T1, my goal is to recapture my childhood through pictures. I'll put the highlights on the blog.

As far as life, in case you didn't know... I'm killin it right now. But I do plan on reflecting on what I have gone through, where I am and where I'm about to go.

"When you so good that you can't say it because it ain't even cool for you to sound cocky anymore"
-Eminem

Day 3